a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
