i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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