I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
