so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
