and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
