I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
handjob tips. give me some.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize