and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
