she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
