Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
