so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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