if only i could text you this smell
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
