Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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