True but thats because hes a fetus.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
