You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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