is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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