Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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