Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
