i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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