no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
whose parrot is this?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
