dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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