if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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