she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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