Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
