where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
