yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
