I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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