The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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