Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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