Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
