I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
