why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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