First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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