belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I have tasted many bathrooms
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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