after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
