youre lurking in front of me
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
