we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You are the jesus of drinking
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
