nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
