Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
