It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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