She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
