You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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