She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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