She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
