Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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