Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
