allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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