Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
