Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
