can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
