She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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