Welp...herpes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I need a burrito and a hug.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
