So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
