Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
