your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize