Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
A+ Viking dick
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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