I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
