Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
