It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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