There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
