My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
