if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
