you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
