3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
