I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
