whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
