Your tits are I can't wait for
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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