I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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