We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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