thus making me awesome and them whores
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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