shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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