Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Don't make out with my wife yet
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
